Character Division/Categories for "The Management of Grief"

Bharati Mukherjee's "The Management of Grief"

Class discussion of the story brought the discussion of the main character/narrator.
Professor Huener assigned a Journal entry for today concerning what the reader may see in all the characters in the story and how one could divide them into categories.

I think the most effective way to divide the characters into specific categories would be to define how they individually "deal" with the death of a loved one. Some reactions may be a "knee jerk" reaction that comes from the very upbringing one has had and how one deals with tragedy and/or trauma.

The narrator, Shaila Bhave, referred to the fact that "this terrible calm will not go away." She behaved calmly, strong and together, but she had the benefit of Valium. I had the benefit of Valium towards the end of my late husband's chemo rounds and subsequent death. Valium makes you feel no real strong emotion...either way to sadness or happiness. It brings a cloud of calm, but a bad calm...almost unnatural. Others saw Shaila as "the strong one", one who was kepping it all together in the face of tragedy. Shaila wanted "scream, starve, walk into Lake Ontario, jump from a bridge." Too right! Shaila would be in a category I will title
"The Walking Dead", those that don't want to discuss anything, yet continue on in a pattern of previous behavior because it comes most natural when everything has gone to "hell in a handbasket." Then, when the timing is right for them, and them alone, do they rebirth themselves and desire to feel all the feelings (good and bad.)

Then , there is the old, Sikh couple who lost two sons in the plane incident. They just closed their doors, physically and figuratively. They trusted no one, and kept "the hope" that their boys would come take care of everything. They would not/could not pay their most basic bills because their sons had taken care of it for them previously. They were distrustful and would not sign any papers. They thought others would take from them, as their sons had been taken. Their category title is
"The Ground Hogs", because they cannot move beyond the day of the tragedy or make new moves even in their own best interest, they have been paralyzed by their loss.

Then, we have the widowers. Those men who remarry almost too soon, because it is a cultural tradition that a man have a wife to care for. They move on, but they are not allowed, nor do they probably allow themselves to grieve. They just go into auto-drive, replacing what they have lost and moving towards a new life and away from the memories of the past. This isn't wrong, none of them are...I think everyone deals with what they get in their own manner. The title for this category will be
"The Robots" because they can move around any pain, at least from an outward appearance and go forward with their new task, which is a new family.

Then, one might see all the connected parts of family of the deceased as "The Shovellers."They shovel their ideas towards those they care about who may have just had a terrible tragedy. They think they can help. They "busy" the person, they suggest, they promote "keep on truckin" until they are blue in the face because they may feel like there really is nothing they can do and that is just too hard to accept as one watches a loved one go through so much grief. They want to facilitate Healing and read the books on how to help and what the "stages of grieving" are, but they are only observers. They cannot actually help. They may hover around their hurting loved one just in case they are worried about depression. Yes, people get depressed. It takes time...and no one should be monitoring one's schedule of healing...it's free-form kind of thing that has a life all it's own.So, they just keep shovelling all those good intentions until they feel like the person has survived the tragedy.

Then, I guess there are the bystanders. Those who work within the social services or read the news and feel real compassion for those that have lost one or more loved ones. I mean, really, we all can imagine how we would feel...and we want to help. Plus, we're feeling pretty lucky at this point, since we still have our loved ones...our family unit...our job...our sanity. Maybe there is a reason why we got to keep our loved ones...maybe those that suffered the terrible tragedy deserved it somehow? What makes us different? Well, nothing makes us different. We are all the same and we can never know what's coming around the corner. These people are categorized as "The Blessed." They are blessed because they do not know what it feels like and they think they can actually help. Fact is, they try to be gracious and understanding, and perhaps even deep inside they are screaming too because they don't know how they would react. Maybe they think they'll never have to. Well, that's unlikely....everyone loses someone, sometime...there are just so many different scenarios and schedules, that omne can't know when the shit will hit the fan.

Time for me to go look through some family albums...I miss my hubby and my mom. This was a cathartic exercise for me.